And God showed up. . . . in the form of a text message!
I was praying the other day, asking God for discernment and wisdom to help me figure a few things out. When I had finished, I went downstairs to check my phone. Lo and behold there was a series of text messages waiting for me. The content of the messages spoke directly to the questions in my heart at that time, and were sent by someone who had absolutely no knowledge of the situation I was praying about!
How cool! I am writing this down so that when my feeble memory fails, I can look back and see that God does indeed speak - in a very personal way about seemingly insignificant problems!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Lessons
So the more lessons I learn, the more lessons I have to learn.
Hard lessons I've learned from this week:
1) My intentions and the results of my actions don't seem to match up as expected most of the time. Collateral damage ensues.
2) Asking God for direction and actually waiting to hear an answer before acting would likely prevent the collateral damage due to point #1.
3) "Letting it all hang out" is not always a wise course of action. I've been working so hard on trying to be "me" (whoever that is) and being real/honest/transparent, that #1 occurs too often and the results leave me feeling like I'm naked in public. Damn it's embarrassing!
There are so many voices saying different things it seems almost impossible to determine the truth sometimes. Who/what to believe? Really wish God would show up with some neon signs to point out which direction to go instead of forcing me to be quiet, patient, and prayerful! But I guess that's what faith is about. I've started reading "Walking with God" by John Eldridge. It seems to be very timely considering my current circumstances. It is basically about learning how to listen to what God has to say on a daily basis.
I was on my knees today - completely drained, repentant (for my portion of culpability), and ashamed from a current situation and I heard God quietly say to me in my heart: "You are my child, I made you just the way you are, and I love you." "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." That will be enough to get me through the day.
We shall see what I learn next. I do hope to have a little reprieve from my lessons to let things heal a bit first! In the meantime I will keep the following Psalm close:
Psalm 62
5My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
6He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
7On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
8Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah.
Hard lessons I've learned from this week:
1) My intentions and the results of my actions don't seem to match up as expected most of the time. Collateral damage ensues.
2) Asking God for direction and actually waiting to hear an answer before acting would likely prevent the collateral damage due to point #1.
3) "Letting it all hang out" is not always a wise course of action. I've been working so hard on trying to be "me" (whoever that is) and being real/honest/transparent, that #1 occurs too often and the results leave me feeling like I'm naked in public. Damn it's embarrassing!
There are so many voices saying different things it seems almost impossible to determine the truth sometimes. Who/what to believe? Really wish God would show up with some neon signs to point out which direction to go instead of forcing me to be quiet, patient, and prayerful! But I guess that's what faith is about. I've started reading "Walking with God" by John Eldridge. It seems to be very timely considering my current circumstances. It is basically about learning how to listen to what God has to say on a daily basis.
I was on my knees today - completely drained, repentant (for my portion of culpability), and ashamed from a current situation and I heard God quietly say to me in my heart: "You are my child, I made you just the way you are, and I love you." "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." That will be enough to get me through the day.
We shall see what I learn next. I do hope to have a little reprieve from my lessons to let things heal a bit first! In the meantime I will keep the following Psalm close:
Psalm 62
5My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
6He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
7On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
8Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Reflections
Wow does time fly! It certainly has been awhile since my last post!
I just returned from another Z-health certification, which as usual, has been thought provoking to say the least! The course was about strength and suppleness- the main concept being "threat inoculation." For me, the week was indeed about threat inoculation, strength, and suppleness in the interpersonal realm. God has again use this course and some people in my life to bring me to a deeper understanding of who He is and who I am in Him. So here goes . .
1. God works all things together for good for those who are called according to His purpose.
I finally got it. Following some tough struggles over the last 9 years, this truth was finally cemented in during an interpersonal conflict last week. I came out on the other side realizing that God used this particular situation to heal me from old wounds. It was weird, I was wounded with the same type of wound I have experienced in the past, but in a smaller, less lethal dose - just like a vaccine! Because of this, I was forced to depend on God as my true, unwavering, friend, who loves me with a perfect love. Even weirder, is that the conflict will not likely be fully resolved - I have just became strong enough now to realize that the problem is not always with me. It also brought me to the next epiphany.
2. I am now through apologizing for myself. I was on my way to this realization before, but now I'm really starting to get it. Until now, I have often felt that I was a burden to people, or that I was inconveniencing them somehow by being me. No longer. I do not think that I am as much of a burden as I was led to believe. I will no longer apologize for who I am. God made me the way I am, and He is not through with me yet. I will therefore continue to live and grow in the confidence that I am loved by the King. And, although this may sound harsh, everyone else will just have to deal with it! :)
3. I finally learned that I can be around and enjoy people who have different values than myself, and still maintain my own integrity. Until now, I have always been somewhat uneasy in these types of situations - either because I feared my own weaknesses, or I because I felt judgmental. For the first time last week, I experienced the freedom that comes from loving people as they are, without feeling like I needed to join in or change them to be accepted. One step closer to loving people like Christ!
The following passage was in my head for about 2 weeks before this trip. How wonderfully applicable!
I Peter 1:3-9
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
I just returned from another Z-health certification, which as usual, has been thought provoking to say the least! The course was about strength and suppleness- the main concept being "threat inoculation." For me, the week was indeed about threat inoculation, strength, and suppleness in the interpersonal realm. God has again use this course and some people in my life to bring me to a deeper understanding of who He is and who I am in Him. So here goes . .
1. God works all things together for good for those who are called according to His purpose.
I finally got it. Following some tough struggles over the last 9 years, this truth was finally cemented in during an interpersonal conflict last week. I came out on the other side realizing that God used this particular situation to heal me from old wounds. It was weird, I was wounded with the same type of wound I have experienced in the past, but in a smaller, less lethal dose - just like a vaccine! Because of this, I was forced to depend on God as my true, unwavering, friend, who loves me with a perfect love. Even weirder, is that the conflict will not likely be fully resolved - I have just became strong enough now to realize that the problem is not always with me. It also brought me to the next epiphany.
2. I am now through apologizing for myself. I was on my way to this realization before, but now I'm really starting to get it. Until now, I have often felt that I was a burden to people, or that I was inconveniencing them somehow by being me. No longer. I do not think that I am as much of a burden as I was led to believe. I will no longer apologize for who I am. God made me the way I am, and He is not through with me yet. I will therefore continue to live and grow in the confidence that I am loved by the King. And, although this may sound harsh, everyone else will just have to deal with it! :)
3. I finally learned that I can be around and enjoy people who have different values than myself, and still maintain my own integrity. Until now, I have always been somewhat uneasy in these types of situations - either because I feared my own weaknesses, or I because I felt judgmental. For the first time last week, I experienced the freedom that comes from loving people as they are, without feeling like I needed to join in or change them to be accepted. One step closer to loving people like Christ!
The following passage was in my head for about 2 weeks before this trip. How wonderfully applicable!
I Peter 1:3-9
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Life is Beautiful
As God continues to heal my brokenness, He is teaching me to enjoy the simple things: a laugh with a friend, the smell of flowers on a breezy day, or a relaxing moment in the sun. Life is beautiful.
I look forward to the time when all will be made new and right. A time when there will be no more sorrow and every tear will be wiped away. When beauty is no longer tainted by evil. . . When beauty is all there is. Until then, I will enjoy the little things, and use the temporary pain of this life to learn to appreciate beauty all the more.
Rev 21:1-4: Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
Life is Beautiful by Sixx: A.M.
NOTE: I think the song is cool - the video is disturbing and I was slightly oblivious to that when I originally posted.
I look forward to the time when all will be made new and right. A time when there will be no more sorrow and every tear will be wiped away. When beauty is no longer tainted by evil. . . When beauty is all there is. Until then, I will enjoy the little things, and use the temporary pain of this life to learn to appreciate beauty all the more.
Rev 21:1-4: Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
Life is Beautiful by Sixx: A.M.
NOTE: I think the song is cool - the video is disturbing and I was slightly oblivious to that when I originally posted.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Facing the Giants
Finally got around to watching the movie "Facing the Giants" last night. Lots of good nuggets in there and very inspirational! Here are 2 clips that hit home for me. The first dovetails nicely with my last few posts about failure and worth. The second is a great parable reminding me of James 2:17 talking about taking action based on faith. Enjoy!
Power through our weakness:
2 Cor 12:9: But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Preparing for rain:
James 2:17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
Power through our weakness:
2 Cor 12:9: But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Preparing for rain:
James 2:17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
Monday, April 14, 2008
More on Worth
To continue a bit with the last post, I want to turn it on it's head. Worth has nothing to do with failure, but it also has nothing to do with success. We as human beings are intrinsically valuable simply because we are. Christ died for the rich successful people also! Accomplishment does not change one's inherent value any more than failure alters one's inherent value. Falling down and getting up again is a part of life. Those that keep getting up tend to succeed in this life, but are not more valuable as humans than those who are stuck face down in the mud!
As I continue to replace my old thought patterns of worth = performance, I am becoming more free to decide how I want to be rather that what I want to be. I made a list yesterday. (Again keeping in mind that my worth is already established by the Creator of the Universe - not by my little list!) Anyway, it contains the things I am good at, the things I want to do in life, and how I want to be. I'm excited about it. I can now look forward instead of backward. I will fail. I will get up. I will never ever ever give up. 'Course, I may need a good kick in the pants occasionally, or someone to help drag me up when I'm really stuck - but that is why God made us relational beings and hooked me with some awesome people!
"Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:13-14
As I continue to replace my old thought patterns of worth = performance, I am becoming more free to decide how I want to be rather that what I want to be. I made a list yesterday. (Again keeping in mind that my worth is already established by the Creator of the Universe - not by my little list!) Anyway, it contains the things I am good at, the things I want to do in life, and how I want to be. I'm excited about it. I can now look forward instead of backward. I will fail. I will get up. I will never ever ever give up. 'Course, I may need a good kick in the pants occasionally, or someone to help drag me up when I'm really stuck - but that is why God made us relational beings and hooked me with some awesome people!
"Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:13-14
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Brain Training: Worth
I failed this week. I missed something obvious. I should have known better and it is driving me nuts. I've been tossing and turning at night trying to justify my failure to myself, because if I did in fact fail, it would mean that I'm not perfect!
I have and will continue to struggle with the faulty idea that my value is based on performance.
I'm sure many of you struggle with this as well. We are constantly bombarded with the lie that what we do or accomplish is directly correlated with our intrinsic value. We strive to achieve, and dedicate ourselves to obtaining total control of our lives in order to appear valuable to others. If we fail, we (or at least I) tend to think that we are useless, a failure, or unworthy of love. This is a toxic lie! Let us unpack this a bit:
First off, perfectionism is ridiculous. (I'm allowed to say this since I'm a recovering perfectionist) Not only is it ridiculous, but it is sin. I am not God. Only God is perfect. If He is perfect, and I am not God, I cannot be perfect. To attempt to be perfect on my own power is essentially to claim that I am my own god, and that I do not need the God of the Universe in my life. This was the seduction leading to the fall of Adam in the garden of Eden - the original sin. "You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." (Genesis 3:4-5) The idea that we can be like God, or be God, puts us in the driver's seat when we don't have a license!
Second of all, performance has absolutely no bearing on our intrinsic value.
God says: "I have loved you with an everlasting love. Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine . . . You are precious to me. You are honored and I love you." (From Is 43 and Jer 31) God said this about Israel during a time when they had failed miserably to obey Him. If God, who is perfect, can love us completely when we have accomplished nothing worthwhile, then we must be intrinsically worthwhile!
The Bible continually reminds us that who we are has nothing to do with what we do. Some of my favorite stories illustrate this beautifully: The adulteress caught in the act, the Samaritan women at the well, the thief on the cross, the tax collector turned disciple, the demon possessed man healed, the blind, crippled, and broken that Jesus healed just as they were (they didn't have to do rehab or clean themselves up first). Jesus demonstrated His love for these people as he forgave, healed, and called them friends. He demonstrated His love for all time, when He died a brutal death on a cross to take our punishment for the sins we hadn't even committed yet. We all fall short of perfection, but God died for us anyway - once and for all stating that He loves us just as we are.
So, for brain training purposes - I will choose the above verse or stories and think about them every time I begin to focus on my failures. My value is based on the fact the I am a unique creation. I am a child of the King. I am God's beloved. I will meditate on these things frequently to slowly alter my thought life and perception of reality. To speed up the process, as often as possible this next week, I will combine these thoughts with my mobility work or exercise sessions to cement in the good neural pathways!
"I have loved you with an everlasting love. Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine . . . You are precious to me. You are honored and I love you."
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