Saturday, July 5, 2008

Reflections

Wow does time fly! It certainly has been awhile since my last post!
I just returned from another Z-health certification, which as usual, has been thought provoking to say the least! The course was about strength and suppleness- the main concept being "threat inoculation." For me, the week was indeed about threat inoculation, strength, and suppleness in the interpersonal realm. God has again use this course and some people in my life to bring me to a deeper understanding of who He is and who I am in Him. So here goes . .

1. God works all things together for good for those who are called according to His purpose.
I finally got it. Following some tough struggles over the last 9 years, this truth was finally cemented in during an interpersonal conflict last week. I came out on the other side realizing that God used this particular situation to heal me from old wounds. It was weird, I was wounded with the same type of wound I have experienced in the past, but in a smaller, less lethal dose - just like a vaccine! Because of this, I was forced to depend on God as my true, unwavering, friend, who loves me with a perfect love. Even weirder, is that the conflict will not likely be fully resolved - I have just became strong enough now to realize that the problem is not always with me. It also brought me to the next epiphany.

2. I am now through apologizing for myself. I was on my way to this realization before, but now I'm really starting to get it. Until now, I have often felt that I was a burden to people, or that I was inconveniencing them somehow by being me. No longer. I do not think that I am as much of a burden as I was led to believe. I will no longer apologize for who I am. God made me the way I am, and He is not through with me yet. I will therefore continue to live and grow in the confidence that I am loved by the King. And, although this may sound harsh, everyone else will just have to deal with it! :)

3. I finally learned that I can be around and enjoy people who have different values than myself, and still maintain my own integrity. Until now, I have always been somewhat uneasy in these types of situations - either because I feared my own weaknesses, or I because I felt judgmental. For the first time last week, I experienced the freedom that comes from loving people as they are, without feeling like I needed to join in or change them to be accepted. One step closer to loving people like Christ!

The following passage was in my head for about 2 weeks before this trip. How wonderfully applicable!

I Peter 1:3-9
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Courtney,
Thank you! I really needed this chunk. I'm still in a funk about my experiences, and probably will be for a while. I've got a lot of emotions to swim through.

You rock!

Katie

Mike T Nelson said...

No apologies--whooo ha!

I am so happy that you are making progress on your journey and taking time to share it with everyone also. I know I need to focus more on enjoying the journey at times vs just the end result.

Too bad I could not make the 9S session, but I plan to be at the next one.

Hope to see you and Geoff soon
Mike N

Courtney said...

Thanks for the comments :)
Katie -
We're all in this swimming thing together! I'm so glad some of my "stuff" helped with the rechunk! Call me whenever you need a sounding board to help sort through the emotion ocean!

Mike-
We did indeed miss you at 9S :( Maybe I'll have to trot up to your neck of the woods next time Geoff goes to an RKC!

Enjoy the process with an eye on the prize!

Love you guys!

Jodie Grotzke said...

You're words are wonderful, Courtney. Thanks for being willing to be transparent and share. I'm thankful God has blessed you with the words to speak to others.

Mike T. Nelson sends me links to your blog often and I love reading what God is doing in your life.

By the way, I may have posted twice. If so it's because I'm not as familiar with blogging as I'd like.

Thanks for the inspiration.
Jodie AKA Mike T Nelson's girlfriend

Courtney said...

Hi Jodie!
Thanks for the comment! I'm so happy if God can use my words to bless others! Hope to meet you someday :)