So it's been quite a few months since I've posted!
It has certainly be a crazy, interesting, incredibly tough, and promising year. God has done more in our lives this year than ever and what a ride it's been! Right now we are just looking forward to a relaxing holiday - a time to reflect on the lessons of the year, the sovereignty and the holiness of our God, and a time to start anew - washed in His blood, held in His hand, secure in His love, and carried by His strength into the next adventure!
The following song gets to the heart of the matter . . Enjoy!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Vacation
Ahhh - long walks on the beach, coffee on the porch watching the sunrise over the ocean, pancakes for breakfast, and fresh Ahi tuna for dinner(YUM!). Good stuff!
One verse to reflect on during these uncertain times:
John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
(That's a dolphin in front of the sunset if you can't tell from this small version) :)
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Update
Well I've been slacking on the blog thing lately - sorry 'bout that!
As for an update:
We were able to go to NJ last weekend for a wedding. We had a wonderful time reconnecting with each other, old friends, and some family members! Tomorrow we are headed off to the beach for a much needed rest. I look forward to what God has for us over the course of the week in terms of our marriage and life direction! I will do my best to blog some of my thoughts and happenings upon our return next week!
Until then, here is my new favorite song by Natalie Grant - enjoy!
As for an update:
We were able to go to NJ last weekend for a wedding. We had a wonderful time reconnecting with each other, old friends, and some family members! Tomorrow we are headed off to the beach for a much needed rest. I look forward to what God has for us over the course of the week in terms of our marriage and life direction! I will do my best to blog some of my thoughts and happenings upon our return next week!
Until then, here is my new favorite song by Natalie Grant - enjoy!
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Excerpt: Until God Becomes our All
The following excerpt is from the book I'm reading by John Eldridge called "Walking with God" This chapter really hit me hard. It's long but worth the time. Spend some time with this - digest it - let it roll around in your head and heart for awhile (especially the questions at the end). I hope you will enjoy it!
Until God Becomes Our All
"How do we best understand life?"
I was meeting with a young woman the other day talking through some hard times in her life. I don't know yet how to make sense of my accident or the fact that both my arms are now in casts. But life goes on, and I had to go to work. So I was meeting with this young woman who was dealing with some distress of her own, when she asked me what I thought was the truest way of looking at life. "My husband thinks life is just hard. I'm feeling that it's sort of random. We're not really good for each other right now. What do you think? " Oh, the beautiful timing of God. I am suddenly aware that Someone else is in the room. There is a sort of pregnant expectation in the air. What would I say? What do I believe?
"God wants us to be happy," I said. "But he knows that we cannot be truly happy until we are completely his and until he is our all. And the weaning process is hard." Even though I was playing the role of counselor in that moment, I was feeling that God had arranged the whole encounter for me.
"The sorrows of our lives are in a great part his weaning process. We give our hearts over to so many things other than God. We look to so many other things for life. I know I do. Especially the very gifts that he himself gives to us - they become more important to us than he is. That's not the way it is supposed to be. As long as our happiness is tied to the things we can lose, we are vulnerable."
This truth is core to the human condition and to understanding what God is doing in our lives. We really believe that God's primary reason for being is to provide us with happiness, give us a good life. It doesn't occur to us that our thinking is backward. It doesn't even occur to us that God is meant to be our all, and that until he is our all, we are subhuman. The first and greatest command is to love God with our whole being. Yet, it is rare to find someone who is completely given over to God. And so normal to be surrounded by people who are trying to make life work. We think of the few who are abandoned to God as being sort of odd. The rest of the world- the ones trying to make life work-seem perfectly normal to us.
After the accident, I was really disappointed that life was suddenly beyond my grasp. Literally. The forecast for the next several months looked bleak. But do I ever feel this disappointed when God seems distant, when I seem to be losing my grasp of him? What is it with us? I am just stunned by this propensity I see in myself -and in everyone I know- this stubborn inclination to view the world in one and only one way: as the chance to live a happy little life.
Now don't get me wrong. There is so much about the world that is good and beautiful even though it is fallen. And there is so much good in the life that God gives us. As Paul said, God has richly provided us with everything for our enjoyment (I Timothy 6:17). In Ecclesiastes, Solomon wrote that to enjoy our work and our food each day is a gift from God (2:24). We are created to enjoy life. But we end up worshiping the gift instead of the Giver. [emphasis mine] We seek for life and look to God as our assistant in the endeavor. We are far more upset when things go wrong than we ever are when we aren't close to God.
And so God must, from time to time, and sometimes very insistently, disrupt our lives so that we release our grasping of life here and now. Usually through pain. God is asking us to let go of the things we love and have given our hearts to, so that we can give our hearts even more fully to him. He thwarts us in our attempts to make life work so that our efforts fail, and we must face the fact that we don't really look to God for life. Our first reaction is usually to get angry with him, which only serves to make the point. Don't you hear people say, "Why did God let this happen?" far more than you hear them say, "Why aren't I more fully given over to God?"
We see God as a means to an end rather than the end itself. God as the assistant to our life versus God as our life. We don't see the process of our life as coming to the place where we are fully his and he is our all. And so we are surprised by the course of events.
It's not that God doesn't want us to be happy. He does. It's just that he knows that until we are holy, we cannot really be happy. Until God has become our all, and we are fully his, we will continue to make idols of the good things he gives us. We are like the child who throws a fit because he cannot have a toy or watch TV. In the moment, he could care less that his mother adores him. His world is out of sorts. He does not see that his heart is not in the right place. He needs his mother's love and comfort far more than he needs the thing he's made an idol of.
Whatever else might be the reason for our current suffering, we can know this: "the LORD your God is testing you to find out whether you love him with all your heart and with all your soul" (Deuteronomy 13:3). We are so committed to arranging for a happy little life that God has to thwart us to bring us back to himself. It's a kind of regular purging, I suppose. A sort of cleansing for the soul. I have to yield not only all my hopes for this fall, but my basic approach to life as well. Of all tests, I do not want to fail this one.
Now, I am not suggesting that God causes all the pain in our lives. I don't believe he pushed me off my horse to make a pint. In fact, I believe he saved my life. But pain does come, and what will we do with it? What does it reveal? What might God be up to? How might he redeem our pain? Those are the questions worth asking.
Don't waste your pain.
Eldridge's blog: www.walkingwithgod.net
Until God Becomes Our All
"How do we best understand life?"
I was meeting with a young woman the other day talking through some hard times in her life. I don't know yet how to make sense of my accident or the fact that both my arms are now in casts. But life goes on, and I had to go to work. So I was meeting with this young woman who was dealing with some distress of her own, when she asked me what I thought was the truest way of looking at life. "My husband thinks life is just hard. I'm feeling that it's sort of random. We're not really good for each other right now. What do you think? " Oh, the beautiful timing of God. I am suddenly aware that Someone else is in the room. There is a sort of pregnant expectation in the air. What would I say? What do I believe?
"God wants us to be happy," I said. "But he knows that we cannot be truly happy until we are completely his and until he is our all. And the weaning process is hard." Even though I was playing the role of counselor in that moment, I was feeling that God had arranged the whole encounter for me.
"The sorrows of our lives are in a great part his weaning process. We give our hearts over to so many things other than God. We look to so many other things for life. I know I do. Especially the very gifts that he himself gives to us - they become more important to us than he is. That's not the way it is supposed to be. As long as our happiness is tied to the things we can lose, we are vulnerable."
This truth is core to the human condition and to understanding what God is doing in our lives. We really believe that God's primary reason for being is to provide us with happiness, give us a good life. It doesn't occur to us that our thinking is backward. It doesn't even occur to us that God is meant to be our all, and that until he is our all, we are subhuman. The first and greatest command is to love God with our whole being. Yet, it is rare to find someone who is completely given over to God. And so normal to be surrounded by people who are trying to make life work. We think of the few who are abandoned to God as being sort of odd. The rest of the world- the ones trying to make life work-seem perfectly normal to us.
After the accident, I was really disappointed that life was suddenly beyond my grasp. Literally. The forecast for the next several months looked bleak. But do I ever feel this disappointed when God seems distant, when I seem to be losing my grasp of him? What is it with us? I am just stunned by this propensity I see in myself -and in everyone I know- this stubborn inclination to view the world in one and only one way: as the chance to live a happy little life.
Now don't get me wrong. There is so much about the world that is good and beautiful even though it is fallen. And there is so much good in the life that God gives us. As Paul said, God has richly provided us with everything for our enjoyment (I Timothy 6:17). In Ecclesiastes, Solomon wrote that to enjoy our work and our food each day is a gift from God (2:24). We are created to enjoy life. But we end up worshiping the gift instead of the Giver. [emphasis mine] We seek for life and look to God as our assistant in the endeavor. We are far more upset when things go wrong than we ever are when we aren't close to God.
And so God must, from time to time, and sometimes very insistently, disrupt our lives so that we release our grasping of life here and now. Usually through pain. God is asking us to let go of the things we love and have given our hearts to, so that we can give our hearts even more fully to him. He thwarts us in our attempts to make life work so that our efforts fail, and we must face the fact that we don't really look to God for life. Our first reaction is usually to get angry with him, which only serves to make the point. Don't you hear people say, "Why did God let this happen?" far more than you hear them say, "Why aren't I more fully given over to God?"
We see God as a means to an end rather than the end itself. God as the assistant to our life versus God as our life. We don't see the process of our life as coming to the place where we are fully his and he is our all. And so we are surprised by the course of events.
It's not that God doesn't want us to be happy. He does. It's just that he knows that until we are holy, we cannot really be happy. Until God has become our all, and we are fully his, we will continue to make idols of the good things he gives us. We are like the child who throws a fit because he cannot have a toy or watch TV. In the moment, he could care less that his mother adores him. His world is out of sorts. He does not see that his heart is not in the right place. He needs his mother's love and comfort far more than he needs the thing he's made an idol of.
Whatever else might be the reason for our current suffering, we can know this: "the LORD your God is testing you to find out whether you love him with all your heart and with all your soul" (Deuteronomy 13:3). We are so committed to arranging for a happy little life that God has to thwart us to bring us back to himself. It's a kind of regular purging, I suppose. A sort of cleansing for the soul. I have to yield not only all my hopes for this fall, but my basic approach to life as well. Of all tests, I do not want to fail this one.
Now, I am not suggesting that God causes all the pain in our lives. I don't believe he pushed me off my horse to make a pint. In fact, I believe he saved my life. But pain does come, and what will we do with it? What does it reveal? What might God be up to? How might he redeem our pain? Those are the questions worth asking.
Don't waste your pain.
Eldridge's blog: www.walkingwithgod.net
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
And God Showed Up
And God showed up. . . . in the form of a text message!
I was praying the other day, asking God for discernment and wisdom to help me figure a few things out. When I had finished, I went downstairs to check my phone. Lo and behold there was a series of text messages waiting for me. The content of the messages spoke directly to the questions in my heart at that time, and were sent by someone who had absolutely no knowledge of the situation I was praying about!
How cool! I am writing this down so that when my feeble memory fails, I can look back and see that God does indeed speak - in a very personal way about seemingly insignificant problems!
I was praying the other day, asking God for discernment and wisdom to help me figure a few things out. When I had finished, I went downstairs to check my phone. Lo and behold there was a series of text messages waiting for me. The content of the messages spoke directly to the questions in my heart at that time, and were sent by someone who had absolutely no knowledge of the situation I was praying about!
How cool! I am writing this down so that when my feeble memory fails, I can look back and see that God does indeed speak - in a very personal way about seemingly insignificant problems!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Lessons
So the more lessons I learn, the more lessons I have to learn.
Hard lessons I've learned from this week:
1) My intentions and the results of my actions don't seem to match up as expected most of the time. Collateral damage ensues.
2) Asking God for direction and actually waiting to hear an answer before acting would likely prevent the collateral damage due to point #1.
3) "Letting it all hang out" is not always a wise course of action. I've been working so hard on trying to be "me" (whoever that is) and being real/honest/transparent, that #1 occurs too often and the results leave me feeling like I'm naked in public. Damn it's embarrassing!
There are so many voices saying different things it seems almost impossible to determine the truth sometimes. Who/what to believe? Really wish God would show up with some neon signs to point out which direction to go instead of forcing me to be quiet, patient, and prayerful! But I guess that's what faith is about. I've started reading "Walking with God" by John Eldridge. It seems to be very timely considering my current circumstances. It is basically about learning how to listen to what God has to say on a daily basis.
I was on my knees today - completely drained, repentant (for my portion of culpability), and ashamed from a current situation and I heard God quietly say to me in my heart: "You are my child, I made you just the way you are, and I love you." "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." That will be enough to get me through the day.
We shall see what I learn next. I do hope to have a little reprieve from my lessons to let things heal a bit first! In the meantime I will keep the following Psalm close:
Psalm 62
5My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
6He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
7On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
8Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah.
Hard lessons I've learned from this week:
1) My intentions and the results of my actions don't seem to match up as expected most of the time. Collateral damage ensues.
2) Asking God for direction and actually waiting to hear an answer before acting would likely prevent the collateral damage due to point #1.
3) "Letting it all hang out" is not always a wise course of action. I've been working so hard on trying to be "me" (whoever that is) and being real/honest/transparent, that #1 occurs too often and the results leave me feeling like I'm naked in public. Damn it's embarrassing!
There are so many voices saying different things it seems almost impossible to determine the truth sometimes. Who/what to believe? Really wish God would show up with some neon signs to point out which direction to go instead of forcing me to be quiet, patient, and prayerful! But I guess that's what faith is about. I've started reading "Walking with God" by John Eldridge. It seems to be very timely considering my current circumstances. It is basically about learning how to listen to what God has to say on a daily basis.
I was on my knees today - completely drained, repentant (for my portion of culpability), and ashamed from a current situation and I heard God quietly say to me in my heart: "You are my child, I made you just the way you are, and I love you." "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." That will be enough to get me through the day.
We shall see what I learn next. I do hope to have a little reprieve from my lessons to let things heal a bit first! In the meantime I will keep the following Psalm close:
Psalm 62
5My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
6He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
7On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
8Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Reflections
Wow does time fly! It certainly has been awhile since my last post!
I just returned from another Z-health certification, which as usual, has been thought provoking to say the least! The course was about strength and suppleness- the main concept being "threat inoculation." For me, the week was indeed about threat inoculation, strength, and suppleness in the interpersonal realm. God has again use this course and some people in my life to bring me to a deeper understanding of who He is and who I am in Him. So here goes . .
1. God works all things together for good for those who are called according to His purpose.
I finally got it. Following some tough struggles over the last 9 years, this truth was finally cemented in during an interpersonal conflict last week. I came out on the other side realizing that God used this particular situation to heal me from old wounds. It was weird, I was wounded with the same type of wound I have experienced in the past, but in a smaller, less lethal dose - just like a vaccine! Because of this, I was forced to depend on God as my true, unwavering, friend, who loves me with a perfect love. Even weirder, is that the conflict will not likely be fully resolved - I have just became strong enough now to realize that the problem is not always with me. It also brought me to the next epiphany.
2. I am now through apologizing for myself. I was on my way to this realization before, but now I'm really starting to get it. Until now, I have often felt that I was a burden to people, or that I was inconveniencing them somehow by being me. No longer. I do not think that I am as much of a burden as I was led to believe. I will no longer apologize for who I am. God made me the way I am, and He is not through with me yet. I will therefore continue to live and grow in the confidence that I am loved by the King. And, although this may sound harsh, everyone else will just have to deal with it! :)
3. I finally learned that I can be around and enjoy people who have different values than myself, and still maintain my own integrity. Until now, I have always been somewhat uneasy in these types of situations - either because I feared my own weaknesses, or I because I felt judgmental. For the first time last week, I experienced the freedom that comes from loving people as they are, without feeling like I needed to join in or change them to be accepted. One step closer to loving people like Christ!
The following passage was in my head for about 2 weeks before this trip. How wonderfully applicable!
I Peter 1:3-9
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
I just returned from another Z-health certification, which as usual, has been thought provoking to say the least! The course was about strength and suppleness- the main concept being "threat inoculation." For me, the week was indeed about threat inoculation, strength, and suppleness in the interpersonal realm. God has again use this course and some people in my life to bring me to a deeper understanding of who He is and who I am in Him. So here goes . .
1. God works all things together for good for those who are called according to His purpose.
I finally got it. Following some tough struggles over the last 9 years, this truth was finally cemented in during an interpersonal conflict last week. I came out on the other side realizing that God used this particular situation to heal me from old wounds. It was weird, I was wounded with the same type of wound I have experienced in the past, but in a smaller, less lethal dose - just like a vaccine! Because of this, I was forced to depend on God as my true, unwavering, friend, who loves me with a perfect love. Even weirder, is that the conflict will not likely be fully resolved - I have just became strong enough now to realize that the problem is not always with me. It also brought me to the next epiphany.
2. I am now through apologizing for myself. I was on my way to this realization before, but now I'm really starting to get it. Until now, I have often felt that I was a burden to people, or that I was inconveniencing them somehow by being me. No longer. I do not think that I am as much of a burden as I was led to believe. I will no longer apologize for who I am. God made me the way I am, and He is not through with me yet. I will therefore continue to live and grow in the confidence that I am loved by the King. And, although this may sound harsh, everyone else will just have to deal with it! :)
3. I finally learned that I can be around and enjoy people who have different values than myself, and still maintain my own integrity. Until now, I have always been somewhat uneasy in these types of situations - either because I feared my own weaknesses, or I because I felt judgmental. For the first time last week, I experienced the freedom that comes from loving people as they are, without feeling like I needed to join in or change them to be accepted. One step closer to loving people like Christ!
The following passage was in my head for about 2 weeks before this trip. How wonderfully applicable!
I Peter 1:3-9
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Life is Beautiful
As God continues to heal my brokenness, He is teaching me to enjoy the simple things: a laugh with a friend, the smell of flowers on a breezy day, or a relaxing moment in the sun. Life is beautiful.
I look forward to the time when all will be made new and right. A time when there will be no more sorrow and every tear will be wiped away. When beauty is no longer tainted by evil. . . When beauty is all there is. Until then, I will enjoy the little things, and use the temporary pain of this life to learn to appreciate beauty all the more.
Rev 21:1-4: Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
Life is Beautiful by Sixx: A.M.
NOTE: I think the song is cool - the video is disturbing and I was slightly oblivious to that when I originally posted.
I look forward to the time when all will be made new and right. A time when there will be no more sorrow and every tear will be wiped away. When beauty is no longer tainted by evil. . . When beauty is all there is. Until then, I will enjoy the little things, and use the temporary pain of this life to learn to appreciate beauty all the more.
Rev 21:1-4: Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
Life is Beautiful by Sixx: A.M.
NOTE: I think the song is cool - the video is disturbing and I was slightly oblivious to that when I originally posted.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Facing the Giants
Finally got around to watching the movie "Facing the Giants" last night. Lots of good nuggets in there and very inspirational! Here are 2 clips that hit home for me. The first dovetails nicely with my last few posts about failure and worth. The second is a great parable reminding me of James 2:17 talking about taking action based on faith. Enjoy!
Power through our weakness:
2 Cor 12:9: But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Preparing for rain:
James 2:17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
Power through our weakness:
2 Cor 12:9: But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Preparing for rain:
James 2:17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
Monday, April 14, 2008
More on Worth
To continue a bit with the last post, I want to turn it on it's head. Worth has nothing to do with failure, but it also has nothing to do with success. We as human beings are intrinsically valuable simply because we are. Christ died for the rich successful people also! Accomplishment does not change one's inherent value any more than failure alters one's inherent value. Falling down and getting up again is a part of life. Those that keep getting up tend to succeed in this life, but are not more valuable as humans than those who are stuck face down in the mud!
As I continue to replace my old thought patterns of worth = performance, I am becoming more free to decide how I want to be rather that what I want to be. I made a list yesterday. (Again keeping in mind that my worth is already established by the Creator of the Universe - not by my little list!) Anyway, it contains the things I am good at, the things I want to do in life, and how I want to be. I'm excited about it. I can now look forward instead of backward. I will fail. I will get up. I will never ever ever give up. 'Course, I may need a good kick in the pants occasionally, or someone to help drag me up when I'm really stuck - but that is why God made us relational beings and hooked me with some awesome people!
"Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:13-14
As I continue to replace my old thought patterns of worth = performance, I am becoming more free to decide how I want to be rather that what I want to be. I made a list yesterday. (Again keeping in mind that my worth is already established by the Creator of the Universe - not by my little list!) Anyway, it contains the things I am good at, the things I want to do in life, and how I want to be. I'm excited about it. I can now look forward instead of backward. I will fail. I will get up. I will never ever ever give up. 'Course, I may need a good kick in the pants occasionally, or someone to help drag me up when I'm really stuck - but that is why God made us relational beings and hooked me with some awesome people!
"Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:13-14
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Brain Training: Worth
I failed this week. I missed something obvious. I should have known better and it is driving me nuts. I've been tossing and turning at night trying to justify my failure to myself, because if I did in fact fail, it would mean that I'm not perfect!
I have and will continue to struggle with the faulty idea that my value is based on performance.
I'm sure many of you struggle with this as well. We are constantly bombarded with the lie that what we do or accomplish is directly correlated with our intrinsic value. We strive to achieve, and dedicate ourselves to obtaining total control of our lives in order to appear valuable to others. If we fail, we (or at least I) tend to think that we are useless, a failure, or unworthy of love. This is a toxic lie! Let us unpack this a bit:
First off, perfectionism is ridiculous. (I'm allowed to say this since I'm a recovering perfectionist) Not only is it ridiculous, but it is sin. I am not God. Only God is perfect. If He is perfect, and I am not God, I cannot be perfect. To attempt to be perfect on my own power is essentially to claim that I am my own god, and that I do not need the God of the Universe in my life. This was the seduction leading to the fall of Adam in the garden of Eden - the original sin. "You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil." (Genesis 3:4-5) The idea that we can be like God, or be God, puts us in the driver's seat when we don't have a license!
Second of all, performance has absolutely no bearing on our intrinsic value.
God says: "I have loved you with an everlasting love. Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine . . . You are precious to me. You are honored and I love you." (From Is 43 and Jer 31) God said this about Israel during a time when they had failed miserably to obey Him. If God, who is perfect, can love us completely when we have accomplished nothing worthwhile, then we must be intrinsically worthwhile!
The Bible continually reminds us that who we are has nothing to do with what we do. Some of my favorite stories illustrate this beautifully: The adulteress caught in the act, the Samaritan women at the well, the thief on the cross, the tax collector turned disciple, the demon possessed man healed, the blind, crippled, and broken that Jesus healed just as they were (they didn't have to do rehab or clean themselves up first). Jesus demonstrated His love for these people as he forgave, healed, and called them friends. He demonstrated His love for all time, when He died a brutal death on a cross to take our punishment for the sins we hadn't even committed yet. We all fall short of perfection, but God died for us anyway - once and for all stating that He loves us just as we are.
So, for brain training purposes - I will choose the above verse or stories and think about them every time I begin to focus on my failures. My value is based on the fact the I am a unique creation. I am a child of the King. I am God's beloved. I will meditate on these things frequently to slowly alter my thought life and perception of reality. To speed up the process, as often as possible this next week, I will combine these thoughts with my mobility work or exercise sessions to cement in the good neural pathways!
"I have loved you with an everlasting love. Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine . . . You are precious to me. You are honored and I love you."
Sunday, March 23, 2008
On Faith and New Beginnings
I love this time of year. Spring is bursting forth in all her glory, bringing with her the sweet scent of hope and new life.
I was on the pity pot last week - fighting the same battles and trying to crawl out of the same pit . . . again! Thankfully, Geoff reminded me that this is where the rubber meets the road in terms of faith. How blessed we are to have our faith tried and tested, because it is only then that we can know what our faith is made of. As James 1 says "2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
I have to admit I was not all that joyful. But today . . . today is Easter Sunday. The ultimate celebration of new life and new beginnings. The ultimate source of hope and the foundation of our faith. A story that is so elegantly echoed every spring, as the flowers burst from the ground, and buds blossom on "dead" branches. It is an echo of the story of our risen Lord, who came, died, and rose again, so that we may have life, and be with Him for eternity. The Lord says in Isaiah 43: " 19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."
I must again choose to believe. I must again place my trust in "Him who cares for me" I'm getting my reps in - allowing my faith muscles to keep growing.
Today I am glad. I am thankful that God has reminded me again of new life through the celebration of Easter and a beautiful spring day. Today I am victorious. I will press on in renewed strength to fight the battles that await me another day - even if it is the same battle . . again.
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
2 Cor 5:17
Sunday, March 16, 2008
S phase Update
Back from an amazing week in Phoenix completing the S phase certification with Z health. It was an awesome opportunity to hang out with some great like-minded folks, learn a lot, move a lot, and just have fun. For those of you not familiar with Z health, a quick explanation is that it is a multi-dimensional system designed to achieve rapid changes in performance and health by driving neural change. S phase is primarily about sports performance.
We learned a lot about the visual system and processing, and how that relates to movement/health/performance and even cognitive function. Vision is much more than just acuity! For example, if the eyes do not team correctly, or if the images from the eyes are confusing, it places a constant stress on the nervous system as it tries to compensate. This can create significant alterations in motor processing, movement, and behavior. From a biomechanical aspect, eye motion has a direct impact on the dural layers (connective tissue) which surround the brain and spinal cord. A lack of eye motion in general or in certain body positions can affect joint motion and neural tension adversely. Pretty amazing stuff!
In addition to the visual fun, we learned the ABCs of sports specific movement. It amazes me that with our societal obsession with sports our kids are never taught how to move to perform these sports safely.
Throughout the week, I discovered that I had some significant difficulties with processing visual information, especially with respect to articulating visual information. During my session with Dr. Cobb, we discovered that I had difficulty tracking darker colors (green, blue etc). After working a bit on color specific visual drills, my other processing problems and residual joint stiffness improved significantly. Amazing! I'm wondering how my brain training will be affected by some of this stuff as well - it will certainly be something to experiment with!
I plan to post more on my brain training thoughts soon.
We learned a lot about the visual system and processing, and how that relates to movement/health/performance and even cognitive function. Vision is much more than just acuity! For example, if the eyes do not team correctly, or if the images from the eyes are confusing, it places a constant stress on the nervous system as it tries to compensate. This can create significant alterations in motor processing, movement, and behavior. From a biomechanical aspect, eye motion has a direct impact on the dural layers (connective tissue) which surround the brain and spinal cord. A lack of eye motion in general or in certain body positions can affect joint motion and neural tension adversely. Pretty amazing stuff!
In addition to the visual fun, we learned the ABCs of sports specific movement. It amazes me that with our societal obsession with sports our kids are never taught how to move to perform these sports safely.
Throughout the week, I discovered that I had some significant difficulties with processing visual information, especially with respect to articulating visual information. During my session with Dr. Cobb, we discovered that I had difficulty tracking darker colors (green, blue etc). After working a bit on color specific visual drills, my other processing problems and residual joint stiffness improved significantly. Amazing! I'm wondering how my brain training will be affected by some of this stuff as well - it will certainly be something to experiment with!
I plan to post more on my brain training thoughts soon.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Quick Update
Well, I'm off to S phase (Level 3 Z health certification) tomorrow AM. I haven't had much time to update the blog lately so I plan to do so when I return. I'm really looking forward to seeing how my body and mind respond to the training next week! It should be a lot of really good neural chunking! Woo hoo!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Roller Coasters
Do you ever feel like you're on a roller coaster? I do. My particular ride is the kind where you go straight up so high you forget that there is down, and then it spirals down down down before it takes off again for the top.
So the question is: Does one try to fight the twists and turns, accept them, or succumb to them? If there were no ups and downs I suppose life would be incredibly boring. If you try to fight the spirals you become exhausted with the futility. You can't stop the ride because only God has the brakes. If you succumb, you flop around in your seat like a rag doll and sustain a head injury. So that leaves acceptance.
My current definition of acceptance in relation to life's twists and turns and ups and downs is to allow myself to completely experience the ride while keeping an eye on the Controller of the ride. To me, this means that it is O.K. to really experience all the emotions of the moment by acknowledging them, feeling the hurt or elation, and then turning them over to the One who holds me in the palm of His hand. This entails reminding myself of the truth again and again in the midst of emotional turmoil - something that has been getting much easier the more I practice it. This also means less time wallowing in tar pits and one more step in the direction of experiencing the fullness of life!
So the question is: Does one try to fight the twists and turns, accept them, or succumb to them? If there were no ups and downs I suppose life would be incredibly boring. If you try to fight the spirals you become exhausted with the futility. You can't stop the ride because only God has the brakes. If you succumb, you flop around in your seat like a rag doll and sustain a head injury. So that leaves acceptance.
My current definition of acceptance in relation to life's twists and turns and ups and downs is to allow myself to completely experience the ride while keeping an eye on the Controller of the ride. To me, this means that it is O.K. to really experience all the emotions of the moment by acknowledging them, feeling the hurt or elation, and then turning them over to the One who holds me in the palm of His hand. This entails reminding myself of the truth again and again in the midst of emotional turmoil - something that has been getting much easier the more I practice it. This also means less time wallowing in tar pits and one more step in the direction of experiencing the fullness of life!
Friday, February 15, 2008
Goodbye to the Tin Man
This has been an interesting couple weeks. I have again been overwhelmed by the love and support from the people in my life.
Last week I had the flu. I haven't been that sick in a while, and it hit me hard (in addition to some emotional struggles I was dealing with at the same time). I was laying there feeling sorry for myself, and I prayed that God would show himself real to me in a big way, 'cause I just wasn't feeling His presence or concern. That day I received a phone call from someone I haven't talked to in a while and boy did that hit the spot. She spoke some truth into my life, and I was overwhelmed by her care, concern, love, and encouragement. Over the next few days I continued to receive unsolicited phone calls and emails from people encouraging me and offering their love and support. It was really cool because I'm usually pretty reclusive and don't have that much contact with people. I was truly overwhelmed with the thought that these folks really do care about me, and this experience has continued to change my heart.
Today I feel different. Geoff noticed it last night - he said I looked different but couldn't put his finger on what it was. I think I know what it is. I got my heart back. Today my heart isn't numb - it is alive and filled with love for the first time in a very long time. I am beginning to see Ezekial 36:26 come to pass in my life: "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."
So I have to say a huge thank you to everyone - you have been used by God in a very real way, and I am eternally grateful for your support and love. What's also fun for me is the realization that now I can pass it on. As 2 Cor 1:3-4 says: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."
Goodbye Tin Man!
Last week I had the flu. I haven't been that sick in a while, and it hit me hard (in addition to some emotional struggles I was dealing with at the same time). I was laying there feeling sorry for myself, and I prayed that God would show himself real to me in a big way, 'cause I just wasn't feeling His presence or concern. That day I received a phone call from someone I haven't talked to in a while and boy did that hit the spot. She spoke some truth into my life, and I was overwhelmed by her care, concern, love, and encouragement. Over the next few days I continued to receive unsolicited phone calls and emails from people encouraging me and offering their love and support. It was really cool because I'm usually pretty reclusive and don't have that much contact with people. I was truly overwhelmed with the thought that these folks really do care about me, and this experience has continued to change my heart.
Today I feel different. Geoff noticed it last night - he said I looked different but couldn't put his finger on what it was. I think I know what it is. I got my heart back. Today my heart isn't numb - it is alive and filled with love for the first time in a very long time. I am beginning to see Ezekial 36:26 come to pass in my life: "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."
So I have to say a huge thank you to everyone - you have been used by God in a very real way, and I am eternally grateful for your support and love. What's also fun for me is the realization that now I can pass it on. As 2 Cor 1:3-4 says: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."
Goodbye Tin Man!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Part 1 continued . . .
It seems as though I cannot get away from concept #1 from my last post. This weekend, I had the privilege of seeing the Bodyworlds 2 exhibit. The theme of the exhibit was "the three pound gem," referring to the brain and the nervous system as it relates to the function of human beings. It never ceases to amaze me how intricately the human body is crafted, and this exhibit is an awesome reminder of how complex we are, and how wonderfully the body is integrated. Interestingly, I came across the following quote at the exhibit: "We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are" The Thalmud.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Further up and further in: Brain Training part 1
So I left off some time ago with the question of how to live in a deeper, more true, and free reality. As I've made some recent forays into the realm of neuroscience through Z Health and independent reading, I've discovered some things pertinent to this discussion. I'd like to kick off my thoughts on "brain training" with my interpretation of a few neuroscience concepts as they relate to this subject.
Concept # 1: The individual's perception of events constitutes that individual's reality.
The brain is constantly processing a flood of internal and external stimuli. There are massive feedback loops in the brain through which information from higher cortical processing areas (this information can include: beliefs, expectations, memories of past experience, and emotions) flow "down" to influence incoming stimuli. These feedback loops not only act to confirm the accuracy of incoming stimuli, but can actually alter this information as well. Apparently, if incoming stimuli don't match up to what the brain expects (because of current emotional state, past experience, confusing/conflicting stimuli, or asynchronous "body maps"), the mind can confabulate a reality that "makes sense." This concept can help explain the phenomena of out of body experiences and body dysmorphic disorders etc. This concept also indicates that a change in belief structure, thought processes, or emotional habits can actually change your reality!
Note: This certainly does not mean that every experience can be influenced by a change in your thinking or belief structure! You cannot alter the law of gravity no matter how much you believe you can fly! Absolute truth/reality does exist, but a lot of the "reality" that we experience on a day to day basis is a perception which may or may not be true.
Concept #2: Brain architecture is plastic.
For a long time in the world of science, it was thought that the brain and neural structures could not change. We now know that the nervous system is extremely plastic (able to change). Neural connections are constantly being "pruned" or strengthened according to use. This can actually lead to a change in structure (increased number of synapses, capillary density, volume of white matter etc) of the brain. This is very exciting because it means that we are not "locked into" a state of being. Use patterns can in fact alter your brain!
Concept #3: Based on concept # 2, the way you think is a trainable skill.
Ok - so that's a "no s---t sherlock" concept, but until now, I always thought that mental practice and visualization was kind of hokey. It has been shown, that by simply imagining yourself performing a skill, (ie: piano fingering or strength exercises) the ability to perform that skill can be dramatically improved. Studies have shown that the amount of neural reorganization is almost as great as that which occurs with actual physical practice. To extrapolate this concept to our current discussion then, thought patterns and beliefs are also skilled behaviors which are in fact alterable through training (thinking). (Combine thinking skills with movement skills for double whammy!)
With the above concepts in mind, it now appears that, through training, it is in fact possible to alter your reality! So, to live in a more true reality, one must consistently train thought patterns to align with . . . (drum roll please) . . . . Truth!
Now I understand why the following verse is so important: "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Cor 10: 5-6 (emphasis mine)
Concept # 1: The individual's perception of events constitutes that individual's reality.
The brain is constantly processing a flood of internal and external stimuli. There are massive feedback loops in the brain through which information from higher cortical processing areas (this information can include: beliefs, expectations, memories of past experience, and emotions) flow "down" to influence incoming stimuli. These feedback loops not only act to confirm the accuracy of incoming stimuli, but can actually alter this information as well. Apparently, if incoming stimuli don't match up to what the brain expects (because of current emotional state, past experience, confusing/conflicting stimuli, or asynchronous "body maps"), the mind can confabulate a reality that "makes sense." This concept can help explain the phenomena of out of body experiences and body dysmorphic disorders etc. This concept also indicates that a change in belief structure, thought processes, or emotional habits can actually change your reality!
Note: This certainly does not mean that every experience can be influenced by a change in your thinking or belief structure! You cannot alter the law of gravity no matter how much you believe you can fly! Absolute truth/reality does exist, but a lot of the "reality" that we experience on a day to day basis is a perception which may or may not be true.
Concept #2: Brain architecture is plastic.
For a long time in the world of science, it was thought that the brain and neural structures could not change. We now know that the nervous system is extremely plastic (able to change). Neural connections are constantly being "pruned" or strengthened according to use. This can actually lead to a change in structure (increased number of synapses, capillary density, volume of white matter etc) of the brain. This is very exciting because it means that we are not "locked into" a state of being. Use patterns can in fact alter your brain!
Concept #3: Based on concept # 2, the way you think is a trainable skill.
Ok - so that's a "no s---t sherlock" concept, but until now, I always thought that mental practice and visualization was kind of hokey. It has been shown, that by simply imagining yourself performing a skill, (ie: piano fingering or strength exercises) the ability to perform that skill can be dramatically improved. Studies have shown that the amount of neural reorganization is almost as great as that which occurs with actual physical practice. To extrapolate this concept to our current discussion then, thought patterns and beliefs are also skilled behaviors which are in fact alterable through training (thinking). (Combine thinking skills with movement skills for double whammy!)
With the above concepts in mind, it now appears that, through training, it is in fact possible to alter your reality! So, to live in a more true reality, one must consistently train thought patterns to align with . . . (drum roll please) . . . . Truth!
Now I understand why the following verse is so important: "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Cor 10: 5-6 (emphasis mine)
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