Tuesday, July 15, 2008

And God Showed Up

And God showed up. . . . in the form of a text message!

I was praying the other day, asking God for discernment and wisdom to help me figure a few things out. When I had finished, I went downstairs to check my phone. Lo and behold there was a series of text messages waiting for me. The content of the messages spoke directly to the questions in my heart at that time, and were sent by someone who had absolutely no knowledge of the situation I was praying about!

How cool! I am writing this down so that when my feeble memory fails, I can look back and see that God does indeed speak - in a very personal way about seemingly insignificant problems!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Lessons

So the more lessons I learn, the more lessons I have to learn.

Hard lessons I've learned from this week:
1) My intentions and the results of my actions don't seem to match up as expected most of the time. Collateral damage ensues.
2) Asking God for direction and actually waiting to hear an answer before acting would likely prevent the collateral damage due to point #1.
3) "Letting it all hang out" is not always a wise course of action. I've been working so hard on trying to be "me" (whoever that is) and being real/honest/transparent, that #1 occurs too often and the results leave me feeling like I'm naked in public. Damn it's embarrassing!

There are so many voices saying different things it seems almost impossible to determine the truth sometimes. Who/what to believe? Really wish God would show up with some neon signs to point out which direction to go instead of forcing me to be quiet, patient, and prayerful! But I guess that's what faith is about. I've started reading "Walking with God" by John Eldridge. It seems to be very timely considering my current circumstances. It is basically about learning how to listen to what God has to say on a daily basis.

I was on my knees today - completely drained, repentant (for my portion of culpability), and ashamed from a current situation and I heard God quietly say to me in my heart: "You are my child, I made you just the way you are, and I love you." "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." That will be enough to get me through the day.

We shall see what I learn next. I do hope to have a little reprieve from my lessons to let things heal a bit first! In the meantime I will keep the following Psalm close:

Psalm 62
5My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
6He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
7On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
8Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Reflections

Wow does time fly! It certainly has been awhile since my last post!
I just returned from another Z-health certification, which as usual, has been thought provoking to say the least! The course was about strength and suppleness- the main concept being "threat inoculation." For me, the week was indeed about threat inoculation, strength, and suppleness in the interpersonal realm. God has again use this course and some people in my life to bring me to a deeper understanding of who He is and who I am in Him. So here goes . .

1. God works all things together for good for those who are called according to His purpose.
I finally got it. Following some tough struggles over the last 9 years, this truth was finally cemented in during an interpersonal conflict last week. I came out on the other side realizing that God used this particular situation to heal me from old wounds. It was weird, I was wounded with the same type of wound I have experienced in the past, but in a smaller, less lethal dose - just like a vaccine! Because of this, I was forced to depend on God as my true, unwavering, friend, who loves me with a perfect love. Even weirder, is that the conflict will not likely be fully resolved - I have just became strong enough now to realize that the problem is not always with me. It also brought me to the next epiphany.

2. I am now through apologizing for myself. I was on my way to this realization before, but now I'm really starting to get it. Until now, I have often felt that I was a burden to people, or that I was inconveniencing them somehow by being me. No longer. I do not think that I am as much of a burden as I was led to believe. I will no longer apologize for who I am. God made me the way I am, and He is not through with me yet. I will therefore continue to live and grow in the confidence that I am loved by the King. And, although this may sound harsh, everyone else will just have to deal with it! :)

3. I finally learned that I can be around and enjoy people who have different values than myself, and still maintain my own integrity. Until now, I have always been somewhat uneasy in these types of situations - either because I feared my own weaknesses, or I because I felt judgmental. For the first time last week, I experienced the freedom that comes from loving people as they are, without feeling like I needed to join in or change them to be accepted. One step closer to loving people like Christ!

The following passage was in my head for about 2 weeks before this trip. How wonderfully applicable!

I Peter 1:3-9
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls."