Roller Coasters

Do you ever feel like you're on a roller coaster? I do. My particular ride is the kind where you go straight up so high you forget that there is down, and then it spirals down down down before it takes off again for the top.

So the question is: Does one try to fight the twists and turns, accept them, or succumb to them? If there were no ups and downs I suppose life would be incredibly boring. If you try to fight the spirals you become exhausted with the futility. You can't stop the ride because only God has the brakes. If you succumb, you flop around in your seat like a rag doll and sustain a head injury. So that leaves acceptance.

My current definition of acceptance in relation to life's twists and turns and ups and downs is to allow myself to completely experience the ride while keeping an eye on the Controller of the ride. To me, this means that it is O.K. to really experience all the emotions of the moment by acknowledging them, feeling the hurt or elation, and then turning them over to the One who holds me in the palm of His hand. This entails reminding myself of the truth again and again in the midst of emotional turmoil - something that has been getting much easier the more I practice it. This also means less time wallowing in tar pits and one more step in the direction of experiencing the fullness of life!

Goodbye to the Tin Man

This has been an interesting couple weeks. I have again been overwhelmed by the love and support from the people in my life.

Last week I had the flu. I haven't been that sick in a while, and it hit me hard (in addition to some emotional struggles I was dealing with at the same time). I was laying there feeling sorry for myself, and I prayed that God would show himself real to me in a big way, 'cause I just wasn't feeling His presence or concern. That day I received a phone call from someone I haven't talked to in a while and boy did that hit the spot. She spoke some truth into my life, and I was overwhelmed by her care, concern, love, and encouragement. Over the next few days I continued to receive unsolicited phone calls and emails from people encouraging me and offering their love and support. It was really cool because I'm usually pretty reclusive and don't have that much contact with people. I was truly overwhelmed with the thought that these folks really do care about me, and this experience has continued to change my heart.

Today I feel different. Geoff noticed it last night - he said I looked different but couldn't put his finger on what it was. I think I know what it is. I got my heart back. Today my heart isn't numb - it is alive and filled with love for the first time in a very long time. I am beginning to see Ezekial 36:26 come to pass in my life: "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."

So I have to say a huge thank you to everyone - you have been used by God in a very real way, and I am eternally grateful for your support and love. What's also fun for me is the realization that now I can pass it on. As 2 Cor 1:3-4 says: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

Goodbye Tin Man!

Part 1 continued . . .

It seems as though I cannot get away from concept #1 from my last post. This weekend, I had the privilege of seeing the Bodyworlds 2 exhibit. The theme of the exhibit was "the three pound gem," referring to the brain and the nervous system as it relates to the function of human beings. It never ceases to amaze me how intricately the human body is crafted, and this exhibit is an awesome reminder of how complex we are, and how wonderfully the body is integrated. Interestingly, I came across the following quote at the exhibit:

"We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are" The Thalmud.

So, I am still hard at work changing my perceptions to align with the truth. I plan to go into more depth on this in my next few posts, but I will give you a glimpse of what I have been working on so far. Over the last few weeks, I have begun to take a few positive things certain people have said to me in the past (a small compliment, statement of acceptance etc), and have chosen to BELIEVE them! I have to constantly wash my mind with these truths to combat the negative and incorrect assumptions I had fabricated. This has been very exciting and freeing so far, but I have found that it is important to "get the reps in." Which means every time an obsessive or incongruent thought arises, I have to immediately replace it with a truthful statement - sometimes I've had to do this multiple times in the span of a few minutes! Over the next few months I plan to continue with this training in every major arena of my thought life. I hope you will join me!

Further up and further in: Brain Training part 1

So I left off some time ago with the question of how to live in a deeper, more true, and free reality. As I've made some recent forays into the realm of neuroscience through Z Health and independent reading, I've discovered some things pertinent to this discussion. I'd like to kick off my thoughts on "brain training" with my interpretation of a few neuroscience concepts as they relate to this subject.

Concept # 1: The individual's perception of events constitutes that individual's reality.
The brain is constantly processing a flood of internal and external stimuli. There are massive feedback loops in the brain through which information from higher cortical processing areas (this information can include: beliefs, expectations, memories of past experience, and emotions) flow "down" to influence incoming stimuli. These feedback loops not only act to confirm the accuracy of incoming stimuli, but can actually alter this information as well. Apparently, if incoming stimuli don't match up to what the brain expects (because of current emotional state, past experience, confusing/conflicting stimuli, or asynchronous "body maps"), the mind can confabulate a reality that "makes sense." This concept can help explain the phenomena of out of body experiences and body dysmorphic disorders etc. This concept also indicates that a change in belief structure, thought processes, or emotional habits can actually change your reality!

Note: This certainly does not mean that every experience can be influenced by a change in your thinking or belief structure! You cannot alter the law of gravity no matter how much you believe you can fly! Absolute truth/reality does exist, but a lot of the "reality" that we experience on a day to day basis is a perception which may or may not be true.

Concept #2: Brain architecture is plastic.
For a long time in the world of science, it was thought that the brain and neural structures could not change. We now know that the nervous system is extremely plastic (able to change). Neural connections are constantly being "pruned" or strengthened according to use. This can actually lead to a change in structure (increased number of synapses, capillary density, volume of white matter etc) of the brain. This is very exciting because it means that we are not "locked into" a state of being. Use patterns can in fact alter your brain!

Concept #3: Based on concept # 2, the way you think is a trainable skill.
Ok - so that's a "no s---t sherlock" concept, but until now, I always thought that mental practice and visualization was kind of hokey. It has been shown, that by simply imagining yourself performing a skill, (ie: piano fingering or strength exercises) the ability to perform that skill can be dramatically improved. Studies have shown that the amount of neural reorganization is almost as great as that which occurs with actual physical practice. To extrapolate this concept to our current discussion then, thought patterns and beliefs are also skilled behaviors which are in fact alterable through training (thinking). (Combine thinking skills with movement skills for double whammy!)

With the above concepts in mind, it now appears that, through training, it is in fact possible to alter your reality! So, to live in a more true reality, one must consistently train thought patterns to align with . . . (drum roll please) . . . . Truth!

Now I understand why the following verse is so important: "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Cor 10: 5-6 (emphasis mine)

A Personal Christmas

It's Christmas time again. I'm taking a slight detour prior to continuing my train of thought from the last post.

For some reason John 3:16 is stuck in my head. This is one of those verses we've all heard at least 10,000 times.

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. "

The personal application of this statement finally hit home. I'm not sure why I finally got it after 25+ years, or why I didn't get it sooner. I remember having to recite this verse as a class in Sunday school with our own name in place of "the world" - but I don't think I ever believed that I was actually included. As I've been sitting and enjoying our Christmas tree over the last few days, I've been picturing the night Jesus came to earth clothed as a baby. He came incognito to rescue me. I am part of "the world" and I am a "whoever." Jesus came for me personally as He has also come for you. I hope that during the hustle and bustle of the season, your heart remembers this verse in a personal way as well. Christmas is about the insertion of a spec ops unit whose mission was to rescue our hostage hearts!

"Thanks be to God for this indescribable gift!" 2 Cor 9:15

Further up and further in!

I love the "Chronicles of Narnia." Something about them makes my heart come alive. One of my favorite parts is the ending from "The Last Battle." If you've never read the series, it is worth reading and re-reading. My words cannot do the writings of literary great C.S. Lewis justice, but trust me, they are wonderfully refreshing to read. (Trix are not just for kids either ;) )

In the last few chapters, the world of Narnia comes to an end, and all the creatures who were true to Aslan get to go with him into "Aslan's country." (It is a beautiful picture of the end times and the new heaven and earth) As they begin to explore the new "world" they realize that everything seems to be familiar. It looks similar to the old Narnia, yet more real somehow. It is as if the original Narnia was but a shadow or mirage of the real thing. All the creatures race deeper into this new world bursting with unimaginable joy and depth of experience. As they continue on into the country, the interior seems to get larger and more true - they enter a garden with golden walls, and the inside is larger than the outside - like peeling an onion backwards!

My favorite line of all is when the unicorn cries "further up and further in!" It is a call to join in the adventure with absolute abandon. To be swept up into a reality that is more wild and more real than anything experienced before. Where each door opens up to something greater, where things are more than we could ever dare to imagine. For,"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." (Is 55:9)

I look forward to the day when we can enter into the joy of eternity, when all things will be made right and new. The imagery from C.S. Lewis writings often keeps me going when things get tough. As much as possible, I want to live in a deeper reality in this lifetime as well. "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." (Philippians 3:12)

Stay tuned - I will post my thoughts on how I'm beginning this process of living in true reality next time!

Singing in the dark

This post may be a little gritty. I hesitate to bring this subject up so early in my blogging history. However, I feel compelled to speak of suffering, since it is a part of life and we all experience it. My recent experiences have again bridged the gap between intellectual knowledge and heart knowledge. I will not pretend that my trials are all that weighty or profound compared to the troubles of others, but regardless, pain is not fun.

Have you ever been in the grip of despair? When the lights go out and you feel all alone in the dark without hope? I have. Most of us have. I have been to the point of despairing of my very life. I have groaned in the anguish of my soul until it literally felt like my guts were coming out, and the only response was . . . silence. I have experienced, to some degree, the night of the human soul. And when you are in the midst of it, the night feels as though it will never end.

But it is in this night, this "training circle," that you are tried and tested. Your character becomes forged like steel. Through the pain you are shaped into you - somehow, someway, good comes from evil, and joy comes from despair. God does have a plan, and His plan is good. How often we forget that we are at war! There is a battle going on for our hearts and there will be collateral damage (or the occasional direct hit). We may not ever know how our story will evolve, but we can be sure of the ending. To quote Leigh from Ransomed Heart ministries: "Will you love God even though you don't understand your story? Will you trust Him when everything has been taken away? In the end, is He enough? The world is dark and getting darker. The world is in desperate need of deliverers who are forged in the fires of suffering. It is the enemy's attack that forges the deliverer. God is shaping you through suffering so that you can turn around and destroy the enemy."

During my "night" I thought God had abandoned me. But then, when I thought all hope was gone, He brought some very special people into my life. He demonstrated his love and steadfastness through them in a very tangible way. Because of this, I have learned (in a small way) to be thankful for my "thorn." My trial has not yet ended, but the inky blackness is steadily giving way to light. I am now better equipped to "comfort as I have been comforted" (2 Cor 1:4) I do not yet know how my trial will shape my story, or how long it will persist. But I will choose to trust that God's heart is good, and that He knows even if I don't. If you are in a similar place in your life, hold on. Hold fast, help is on the way. The night will end. Dawn will come. In the meantime, will you trust Him?

What if, when the night falls, we thumb our noses at the enemy and sing in the dark? The following songs may help. They have helped me more than I can say.

Josh Groban: "Don't Give Up (You are loved)"


Casting Crowns: "Praise You in this Storm"


Mercy Me: "Hold Fast"